Fighting Anxiety (with Victor Varnado)

We're back with fellow podcaster, actor, producer, and artist Victor Varnado. Join us in our conversation on anxiety, comedy, artistry, and finding ways to do what makes you happy.

If you like one of our show ideas—or want to suggest one of your own—email us! grandpaandchill@gmail.com

Thanks to our Amazing Guest:
Victor Varnado: WikiListen, Twitter, IG, Victor's Claim to Fame

Stuff we talked about:
Tiffany haddish https://variety.com/2022/tv/news/tiffany-haddish-child-sexual-abuse-lawsuit-responds-1235360684/

New Yorker cartoon https://www.newyorker.com/cartoons/daily-cartoon/thursday-june-4th-just-getting-started 

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Transcript

0:48

I'm Brandon Fox. You're listening to another episode of Grandpa and Chill. I'm here with my amazing co-host, Phines, our amazing producer Sierra, and as always, my older relative grandpa. Today we have a really incredible guest, Victor Varnado. Oh, right. I've always learned that introductions are the most fun thing. If you could just tell our audience just a little bit about yourselves, ourselves. Yeah. You pluralism. Starting with Grandpa. No, no. A little bit about yourself, Victor. Yeah, sure. My name is Victor, and I like to make cool stuff. I have liked it all my life. I've done a lot of acting, comedy, acting. I've been in movies with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Eddie Murphy. Comedy done stand up on CONAN O'Brien, Jimmy Kimmel Live. I'm a cartoonist. Make cartoons for The New Yorker. I've written for Marvel Comics, Vice Salon, and I've also made TV shows for like Tru TV, VH one and other stuff, and have directed movies and specials. That's pretty much me in a nutshell. Amazing. Wow. Up to me. And that's our show. Thank you. Yes. No. Great. Okay. We were talking before about game design because you have created your own video game or plural. I'm not sure. But how do you keep up with so many different aspects creatively at the same time? I have a to do list and it's like a master to do list and anything that I want to do, I put it on that list. So when I think of something, I just put it on the list. And then later on when I'm like sitting at the computer, whatever I'm doing, I can look at the list and there's all the stuff that I ever wanted to do, and then I just put them in order of importance, and then I do them those things on the list, and then they mark them off and it feels good. And how do you prioritize what's most important? Like, what's the top thing for you? Well, it depends what I'm doing. Like right now. What I'm doing is I'm kind of like restructuring and restructuring my whole career because I used to make a lot of money producing TV shows and like and when I was producing on Love and Hip-Hop, I was like, That was the show that broke me when I was like, Oh, I can't do this anymore. And so I got once I left Love in Hip-Hop, I never produced a never another like reality TV show ever again. And since then, I have been working on producing my own stuff. So basically what I thought to myself was, if they trust me enough to put me in charge as a producer on shows that are million dollar franchises, then I'm probably good enough to do my own stuff. And so that's what I started to do instead. So right now, my the way I prioritize things is things that get me immediately closer to whatever my specific goal is. So like I have a very, very specific goal and then I prioritize things to get to that goal. Anything that doesn't get me to the goal is low priority. And how did you get started in your field? Victor? That is a good question because I can't exactly name what my field. Is. Because I do so much weird stuff. But, um, I would say like I got started in comedy because my teacher in high school was tired of me cracking jokes in class and he was like, Hey, if you try to do this on stage, I will give you an A, just stop doing it in class. And then I tried it, and that's how I got started in comedy. But then I never went back for like ten years until I moved to New York to, you know, try comedy again. And I got started in acting. I was always interested in acting since I was in high school, I was in performing arts and stuff like that. In high school, I was in Performing Arts Program and a science program, which is how I got into computing a lot. I was just a very I was a very big artsy fartsy and nerd all at once. And that continues to this day. Wow. What a hero. Yeah. And so here I am, just the biggest hero there is. I mean. He's like the hero. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, that is so. And you kind of slap me in the face here. I mean, but it's great. No, I agree. I a you're total creative. That's it. I'm here for it. That's my goal. I just want to create I just want to make stuff I want every day. I want to wake up and just make something and, like, follow my curiosity. That's my 100% goal. So I'm down like I'm down to just be a creative. I basically when I was doing love and hip hop and I was like leaving, I was like, Oh my God, can I make it doing my own thing? And then I realized that I could make it do my own thing because I figured out the secret sauce for my personal motivation. He just. He can just look at me. I don't need to hear any of this stuff personal. So. Yeah, Trump is afraid of success. This has happened a lot with it. He bad with technology I guess. Is. So fun. Yeah it's it's it's only been years that we've. That's awesome. Yeah. So here's my. Here's my motivational thing. Okay. Here's the thing that motivates me more than anything. This is your personal thoughts. Yes. Yeah, it's actually it's actually one sentence. And I feel like it can motivate anybody. That's my that's why I think I don't know for sure, but this is why I think you tell me if it motivates you, can you be successful? The answer is yes, because whatever you're trying to do, if someone out there right now doing it worse and they're a millionaire, so you can be successful. Mm hmm. I like that. I like that. It kind of reminds me of, like, when I started doing push ups, I was like, well, I did one piece of this more than one person out there in the world, and that's all that matters to me. And then if they're doing more and more and more and and to the point where it became a thing, you're like Hulk, Smash, swole. No. Yeah. No, I. I got content, and I was just like, oh, man, I'm better than four or five people in my viewpoint. No. And, but no, this. I have more questions. Okay. So you answered one of them with their artistic voice, because I think that what I hear you saying, it seems like really ease. And I like the part that I'm like, oh, yes, I want that juice is that you want to create. And not only do you want to create, which is one thing, but to have the confidence to show it are to want to share or to want to connect with people without having at least on at least I don't know about all artists, but at least on my in the artistic, sometimes I'm not the most competent at sharing or wanting to share our feeling like I want to be like I want to share my, like my creativity. So I think you got the voice. I mean, you played it right there, your personal selves. So, I mean, but I'm right there with you. I have incredible anxiety. I mean, I didn't talk about this earlier, but because, you know, what was me. But. But I had come on crazy. Anxiety like I, I have a lot of anxiety. And before the thing that changed after the love and hip hop thing was that I was like, okay, if I want to make it, I have to fight my anxiety because my anxiety tells me not to do anything and never show anybody anything. That's like because I, I like everything I do have so much like anxiety and fear about it. But what I started doing was I started trying to think and being like, okay, if the only reason I'm not doing something is because of my anxiety, because I'm scared, then I'm just going to do it and see what happens. And that's what I started doing. That's what I still do to this day. Has it ever destroyed you in the moment, like at bat, or is it mostly all just like something that people don't even register and you can still perform it? I think when I started acting against my anxiety, it was hard. Like the first two years of that were just incredibly hard. I mean, right now I still have anxiety about stuff like I have anxiety. Like I come in here and I don't know you guys, but you guys are friends, you know? And so I'm like, what if I'm enhance and then like your grandpa leaves and like, does he hate me? You know, like, I have anxiety about all kinds of stuff. He hates me, so I don't know. But yeah, I. Mean, I still have it. Yeah. It's, it's a really funny saying this on a podcast, but like talking or performing or doing anything live or especially I imagine in like a comedy scene in front of tons of people. I wonder how much like that day to day anxiety translates into like that crowd anxiety or stage fright or whatever. I mean, does it or do you feel fine walking up and telling jokes right before a start or something? No. Telling jokes is is different that. Well, I mean, yes, there was anxiety when I first got started and there still is anxiety. Of course, sometimes I guess a show that's important or it's a show that you didn't. Prepare for walk. On stage, or it's a show where somebody is in the audience who you're like, Oh, I don't want to bomb, you know? So like sometimes there is anxiety involved with it, but a lot of times it's a place of safety because I'm a funny guy, I'm engaging, I can tell a good story. And so knowing that sometimes getting on stage is such a place of safety because I have my reputation to precede me and I have my writing to protect me. Hmm. Wow. Wow. Yeah, that's cool. Okay, so more questions. I'm trying to put these pieces together. Love and hip hop. I actually know I start from different. When do you move to New York and where are you from originally? I'm from originally from the south. Originally from down in the South. I lived in Arkansas. I lived in Alabama. But then when I was about 13, 14, I moved up to Minneapolis with my father, and then I moved to New York when I was 27. And so that was but when I was 27 was 26 years ago because I'm 53. So it's been a while. But it's you you've learned math now. I, I know right now I will get your Wikipedia page. All right. And this is this is this is our core Wikipedia. Pages, although so many, so many. But so there is like a time when I used to guest on this podcast called Keith and the Girl and then and the fans are super fanatics. Okay? And so when I guested on that podcast, like, one of the fans made a Wikipedia page for me because they were such a fan of the show. Wow. I mean, that's a cool. Oh, gosh. Okay. So I'm from Indiana. That's where I'm originally from. I was born in Gary, Indiana. That's where let's say that's where Michael Jackson is from. And yep. That's like rough parts in Indiana from where I'm from. What? I'm from Indianapolis, Indiana. But I also moved to New York and I. 26 look at that, you know. Oh, yeah. Are you in New York now? I'm in New York now. And hopefully and. Dude, we're going to hang out. I'm going to tell you where we're going to go. Oh, I go to. Well. Wonder Will is like one of the most brilliant things in New York. And so, Dan. Silverman, is everybody in New York. No, I want me. I I'm in Georgia right now. Oh, well. Yeah. You don't get to learn math. I though there's. This bar called Wonder Ville in New York, and it is a bar where it's a videogame bar like a bar arcade sort of thing. But all the games in it are unique. They only existed that place, so there's a bunch of video games that you can only play at that place, period. Oh, wow. It's graphic. Yeah, definitely. Let's do this. Just want to check back in. Is Barton still missing? Yes. I'm about to call him. Right. Says he's. I tried to call him. He let me go to voicemail and. He he. But it says he's still recording on on Riverside. So I feel like he's grandpapa. I'm going to maybe he's been here and talking this entire. Time that has. I think. I think that's what's going on. I imagine that's what I. Think he's silenced his phone to pay good attention. We can't hear you. Grandpa kept calling me. I'm on a podcast right now. Yeah, I'm really. I mean, I'm very proud of myself. I'm muscling through. I usually laughed so hard at the robot voice I hear when people's connections messed up. And I've been hearing this whole time and I just I've been keeping a stone face and doing pretty good. And maybe it's my headphones, maybe it's not other people's connections I've been making fun of my friends about their connection. They're not like not other people and everybody else. Is everything fine? It's you. Yeah, everybody. They've been calling me Mean. I'm like, you've been. You're kind of mean about me making fun of them. And I was like, it's not I'm making fun of your connection that you personally I. Don't like the person these headphones are making you become. I don't like what they're making. All I hear is boop, boop, boop, boop. This is like ice cream. You need to take the headphones off. But they make me feel so special that I feel like I'm the only one who speaks normally and everyone else. Like, I don't know. I don't know what they come off. Victor with your podcast that we'll definitely dove into, but have you ever experienced technical or crazy difficulties randomly or you don't have gas so it's easier? No, we have gas. Oh, you do have gas. Oh, do. You want to come on the podcast? Absolutely. Okay. You can definitely come on the podcast. I only listen like. Yeah. Well, I have two podcasts. One is one which is a game show called six and similar questions and one which is Wicked, Wicked Listen, which is the daily Wikipedia podcast. But both of them have guests. You're welcome on either. All of you. Wow. Oh, my gosh. You should all you should come on six and seemly questions and all three of you should come together because the way the way it works is we record three episodes back to back and people take turns being the contestant on the game show, and each one takes about 20 minutes to record. So it's an hour. And so all of all of you could be on the game show to get on on the podcast, get it. Come in. I mean, what are the games? Well, it's well, it's it's one game. It's called six and similar questions. And what I do is I ask six questions of each person, which I write for that person, and then I ring a bell if I like their answer and if I don't like the answer, I tell them why I don't like their answer. And then at the end of the show, I decide whether or not it's worth giving them $5 for their performance on the show. I love it. And it's really stupid, but fun. That's all. That's what's good about. That's what it's all about. I did trivia last night and I think third place gets $10 or something, and I was on a team with people I had never met before, and I've never seen someone so close to killing me recently. Then me messing up. But like, I was like, Oh yeah, it's totally Canada's the answer. And then he's like, Cool, gives it in. And then he's like, I put six points on that and got very, very close, very serious. And I was like, Oh my God, you know? And I everybody. So people get real into it. My wife and I went to a trivia night and the funny thing is, was we were the only black people at the trivia night, so we named our team the blacks women. But this is funny because every time. So first of all, the guy who was announcing was like very uncomfortable when he'd get their our name. And then every time he'd say, the black would be. Like, Yeah. The. Blacks. But then they're also like, This guy looks white. So I was like. But but they didn't realize that I was a black albino on the show. I mean, on the trivia thing. So did you win? No. No, because trivia. Let me tell. You stuff about trivia. Trivia is made for white people. Okay. All right. All the questions were like, who is Pat Boone? And I was like, well, what? No getting. There. Very like the black food. Do you do that? That's what I would say. I have like a classic black theme every day. Of the quest, but every type of questions were like something we just had no idea. We just like, we'd be like, mm, we would do that loud. Yeah, I like that. Make it uncomfortable. Yeah. I wrote it was between Christian Bale, it was a lot of people, but Christian Bale or Glenn Close having won an Oscar and I was like, This is a guess. I don't know. But I the guy put down Glenn Close and it was Christian Bale who had won. And we went from first place to last place because I waited. Yeah, so. Oh, I'd wager too much. Everything. It was everything. Grandpa, is he back? Oh, there he is. And I was enjoying this podcast more than almost any other podcast. We've done. What one. Time. Would you say. Growing this podcast more than any other podcast? Oh, I think he's insinuating he's. He doesn't want it. Come on, you got to be here. Come on. US. Yes, I think. What about it? Well, I can hear your voice. Okay? I can hear yours and I can see you now. Oh, good. Okay. But the. Interesting to me, because I tried to get my mom to go. Sparkling with energy, did something good happened with you? To me? Yes. I'm drunk. It's about the only thing that does it is. To. Find this. What do you do in New York? I work at a residence home for people with disabilities, and I illustrate and write as battle. Awesome. Sierra, where. Are you. Or Sierra's not supposed to talk. I'm so sorry. No, she's not. My life together. It's almost together. I swear. I don't know nothing. I. I'm in L.A.. I am in the central Illinois. Huh? Chicago. Okay, cool, cool, cool. And, Barton, where are you? I'm right outside of Philadelphia. Did did our satellite go down or something? I'm not seeing the satellite yet. He's talking to the alien. The videos of anybody. I you see the video here. Internet is really bad today, Grandpa. I don't know why. Because you're uploading way slower than usual. I think that's part of the problem, but I don't know why. Oh. Okay. All right, Brandon, what about yourself? Where you. Where you. Where you. Where do you resign? What do you do? I'm now. Interesting. Yeah. Go, Grandpa. The most interesting guests you've had on. So I. Now, now I've. Now I'm getting everybody except for Sierra. I don't see her. Well, I'm getting there. I'm working. On her. I love this podcast. Gramp was so honest, too. Like, if he didn't think you're interesting, he'd be like, I can I go? So yeah, no praise. From Grandma. But he is really an interesting guy. I just am like, What about the other people? They don't listen, but it's okay. But still. Grandpa Barr comes on here. He's like, Okay, hello, everyone. All right, all right. Phines, look good. Sierra, you good. I mean. Can you dress like a grown adult today? Awesome. I right that we love we. Do you have guests on your podcast who don't listen to it before they come on? I don't know if people listen to support him. AM Maybe 5050. I don't like intentionally ask, but I doubt many like listen to every episode after they come on. And I don't see a lot of podcast gangsters do that. I listen to you before and I'll probably listen and probably I'll definitely listen after because I, I, I enjoy podcasts in general, so I'll listen while I'm drawing or something like that. Oh. Sierra. Hey. You. Where are. You? What are. Your. What are your. Aspirations for the future? My aspirations for the future are for your very own. Yeah, well, they're very specific, which is what I'm trying to do right now is, uh, be paid a great deal of money to pursue my curiosity and hire my friends. That's my goal. That's it. Every day I want to wake up, be able to just, like, decide what I want to do that day. Whatever it is, it will make. Money. I'll be able to hire my friends. That's the goal. And I'm getting there. I'm not there yet, but I'm closer than I've ever been. I just want to every day hang out with my friends. People I'm obsessed with what that's like. Yeah, I think it shows that you care about people. I absolutely care about people. People are people are the most important thing in the world, actually. And the only important thing in the world, when you think about it. I mean, I want to go first of all, you know, nothing really matters. Nothing. Nothing matters at all. But we all decide what matters to us. Right. And that that being the case, if nothing really matters and you only decide what matters to you, think about people, people that, you know, decide that you matter to them. They put you in their world. So you find the right people. It's all good. That's what you need to do. Just hang out with people because they're the only thing that matters. Okay? Do do politics influence your, you know, your your work now? Not really. I'll tell you why. Because I looked at the world and I was like, okay, what do I really want to do? I want the world to be happy. I want everybody to be happy, everything to be equal, everybody to have joy. But you know that the world is so screwed up that no one person is ever going to be able to do that. Not only that, no group of people is ever going to be able to agree to do that for the world. Okay. So that you can't do that, what do you do next? So that's all the politics part like that, that what I was describing was like getting the world together. That's politics. It's never going to be together. Let's just say it's never I mean, it's never going to be together. Like the whole nothing is like the whole world, even our country, even your city. Nothing. It never, never, nothing is ever going to be that much better than it is now. Or that much worse. Really? Well, I mean, it'll probably get worse. Pandemic was terrible, but you know what I'm saying? But so instead of instead of worrying about politics, what I worry about is me and the people I love being taken care of and safe. That's what I want to do. That's what that's what influences my work. My work is influenced by I want me and the people that I love to be safe. But I also don't want to be a show like I could. I could make money, you know, making love and hip hop forever. I could have done that because I was making really good money doing that. But my me personally, what I want to do is I want to do something that I can stomach. And so one of the things I can stomach is when I make stuff, I always think about, I want to reach as many people as possible. And so I don't put politics in my work upfront. I put politics. I mean, I do have thoughts about politics, but all of those thoughts you kind of have to dig for. Okay. Or you've answered my question. Yeah. So, yeah. So that's what we're here for, right? Yeah. So okay, interesting question. To to just go on top of it. But you've worked with The New Yorker. Have you so artistic perspective, keeping eye out of politics and whatnot? How do you do that with The New Yorker? What are you doing, slice of life or something? No, I'm cartoons. I'm cartoonist. Yeah, but like, is it about politics? I just, like, avoiding politics. Oh, no, no. Some of my cartoons about politics. But I'll write cartoons about politics that everyone agrees with. Left, right, no matter what. I write things that people agree with. In fact, I have a famous New Yorker cartoon that was made right after George Floyd's death. Okay, so George Floyd died, and then I made this cartoon that went viral. It was a cartoon of a black and a white man standing on a mountain. And the white guy is, like, really tired and the black guy is like, pointing up the mountain. And then so like this, where they've come from, there's a sign that says Recognizing racism in America as well. The sign says that. So that's a plateau they've just climbed to. And the black guy is pointing up the mountain and there's a sign up the mountain pointing at the mountain. This is doing something about it. And so that was something that like. Everybody got. Like it doesn't matter if you're left or right. Like, yeah, George Floyd's death was crazy. And so no matter what side you're on, you have to look at that and be like, Yeah, that's some like, we got to we don't want that to happen. Like, that shouldn't be part of what happens to us. Yeah, that's it. Like we. We don't want that to happen to people. So I think everybody agrees that yeah, everybody agrees that we don't want that to happen. And so I'm trying to say like, yeah, okay, there is racism and so let's, you know, figure out and do something about it. But that I feel that anybody can respond to that message. Yeah. This is also goes back to like I'm what age were you when you started loving hip hop and when you left it at. Oh, that wasn't too long ago. I left love. I left loving him. Why I didn't leave the show that I was on finished. And so I finished the season I was on and I never went back, but, uh. Yeah. Oh, excuse me. Sorry. I had a little tweet earlier. You know, it is. It happened. Yeah. Yeah. Everybody, the show that was. On. It ended, and I just didn't go back. I'm sorry. What was your question? Because I kind of half answered it. Oh, just like, well, this is even random, but go back about it. Like, I'm fascinated with your life because I'm like, all right, you found this awakening at 11 hip hop. I'm like, you know. When you ask how old I. Was, yeah. I was like, yeah, along this trail of your of your life, like, where did and where did it? Sadly, I was 47. Oh, that's not sad. Well, it is. Because I wish I had realized what I did then earlier in my life, because my life would have been so much more fun because up until then, I remember I was talking about my anxiety. Like, my anxiety was like on top of me. I remember when I was on CONAN O'Brien. I remember thinking to myself because I was like I was like straight up imposter syndrome all the time. And so I was like, I was always thinking that I was tricking people into letting me do stuff and wasn't a CONAN O'Brien. I was really thinking, I can't believe that I. I tricked my way onto this show. Matt I didn't think that like, Oh, I'm funny. That's not what I was thinking. I was like, I can't believe I took what we had this show. Oh, I hope it doesn't fall apart at the last minute. That's all I was thinking and didn't get to enjoy it. Not to be basking in so much of your pain in your, you know, wishing that you were younger, but at least someone that I think also like can relate with you. I'm like, oh, you know, at least people are still struggling with these pain. Like, you know, something that happens in the, you know, you still doing great in my eyes. I think you're doing amazing. So that. Oh, yeah. I dealt with this today. It's so refreshing to hear. Not that CONAN O'Brien part, but the anxiety. Yeah, right. It's it's really weird because. Yeah. Because when you when you're before you're in like these situations or when you're looking on at this situation and you're looking like at a, you're looking like at a movie, you know, with an actor in it. And you think to yourself, Wow, they've got it made. That must be straight up joy every moment. But then when you're in a movie and you're an actor, you're like, okay, all these people are working. If I screw up, all these people lose their jobs. If I do anything wrong, this movie fails and people lose millions of dollars. Think about your anxiety then. Mm hmm. Do you do this? You just white knuckle. I'm so sorry. I'm this nerd. Now, you write this and you have therapy throughout this to get you to get. Where you going? I just started therapy about a year ago, and before that, I was just. Was just. Oh, me. Well, I mean, I think the one thing that I have that is useful is that I really enjoy computer programing, so I really enjoy logic. So then I can sit down and I logic out how to work against my anxiety. Mm. Which is what I just told formula. But what I just told. You earlier, which is like it, like if I sit down, I think if the only reason I'm not doing something is because of fear or my anxiety and I just do it anyway and see what happens. But but that's so true. That's so true. All my mantras are super simple. It makes it easy to remember just like. The what what's the worst it could happen. Mindset really worked for me until the worst thing that I thought could happen did happen. And, you know, like one of and now I'm like, well, shit, maybe stop both you know, so I don't know. My worst that can happen to mindset. Well here's the thing there's a lot of break down my worst that could happen because the worst thing that can happen is actually not as bad as I thought it was because okay, so let's play back that logic of that. The idea that like, okay, so what is important, right? It's what you decide is important, but nothing else is really important to you to decide what's important to you. So are there people who are like living on a mountain, have no money and just live off the land? We're happy. Yes. Could you be happy if you were in that situation? He had no other responsibilities, maybe. But for me what it means is that like I like to create, if I am creating every day at the level that I am and doing what I'm doing, great. But if I had like of just a simple job that I didn't have to pay attention to and the rest of my time I could just work and create and do stuff and also be happy and so, like, I have, you know, a loving family. If I had $0, I could move in with my sister and she'd be happy to have me. And I could just draw. All day. Now. And I would, I would I would I would definitely be happy doing that. She So the worst thing that could happen for me is that I'll move in with my sister all. Day. As you have gone up and through your career, like is this something that you find with all your colleagues or is it not frequently talked about? You mean that. Part? Yeah, yeah. The stress of it all. I don't know. A lot of a lot of people don't talk about it. I mean, a lot of people that I know, I know comics are all I mean, just just as people are different, comics are different. And so there are some comics who are all bravado and there are some comics who are are all cerebral. So I, I do know some comics talk about their anxiety, but then some comics like fighting. What are you talking about? My fuck you. There's no anxiety over here. Get out of my face. It's people like that, too. You know, Andrew, Dice, Clay. Yeah. I know. But I do know all the guys who are on the Legion of Skanks podcast. That's them. What is regional scale? Oh. It's a podcast. It's out there. It's a podcast out there. They have a huge following. And and they're here's the thing. For what? I'm so sorry about the car outside. It's just going crazy right now. Do you want to wait till it's done or do you want to keep going? I think you should go. I don't care. Who has. A. Sobbing, it doesn't sound like anyone's common. They may carpooled somewhere. Just as a coincidence. Today on the news program, one of the news programs, I heard them suggesting that people get help for anxiety. Apparently there's a lot of anxiety in society today. Yes. I've never heard that before. You know, recommending that you get professional help for anxiety. Brighten your window. Open a window? Yes. Is there noise or something? Oh, no. There's a bird on you. Oh, yes, yes. It's. Yeah. That's rosy. That's our mascot. I guess that's our resident. That's our resident attack. Attack predator. Yeah. Well, my grandma, I. Wanted her upper. One of my friends, one of my friends who's also a New Yorker cartoonist. She would love you right now because she she has so many birds and she collects she has too many birds. I keep telling her not to buy any more birds. And she got more birds, but she just bought a bird and sent me a picture of it and was like, Do you think my bird is cute? And so, like, she loves birds. Like, here's his troops. You see that? Oh, gee, baby, your bird. Grandpa's been trying to sell his birds for two years on this show. Are you kidding? She would buy all. Your birds over. That's three. And do not. Do not do that. Do not. Then that's why you shouldn't. I shouldn't give her a bird hook up kissy shit. So she was to buy one bird today. But the woman who was selling her the bird was like, I have an extra bird. Do you want it? I mean, she was like, Yeah. And so she took two birds with you. She's not only have one, though, she she has two birds. I've I've seen Rosie in action. I don't know if I would send that and send that into the house of the Birds where. Rosie wrote it down to the living room at night and just binge watches Jurassic Park movies like. Two other Conyers. And they destroyed another room. They torn through the drywall on the firewall and everything. So there I let them fly loose during the day and put them in a cage at night. But there are a lot of a lot of there's a lot of work taking care of birds. Yeah, I believe it. Yeah, she she rarely leaves her house. She's a cartoonist. She draws so. Mm. Did you ever go into the wall to find Patty was. To tear the whole wall out and then she could be anywhere in the building. It's. Yeah, you had a, you had a pet escape into the wall. Yeah. They a one of the birds and one that's still around had made it. And the next thing I knew they were, they would both go in the wall, but one never came back out. Oh, no. Grandma, there's nothing I can do. It's like two months ago, so. Grandpa might be honest. Yes. She was a sweetheart, the bird. But, you know, nothing I can do about it. Let's be honest. Be honest. Did you try to look for that bird? Pardon? Did you try to look for that bird in the wall? There's no way for me to look. It's like I got a slot that's about a foot wide and about five feet long. But she can go anywhere. And once she's in the wall, she can go anywhere in the building. Well, we gave you a lot of tips. We say use your flashlight on your phone, call animal control. No, I'm not. I'm not doing all that for the bird. Bird. It's okay. I get it, Grandpa. You know what I said? But that bird is dead. Yeah. Does. Because it would come back for food because it is not going to find food in the wild. I mean, maybe if you have like, you know, infestation. I just can't sit every time I try to sit here and I can't with the bird thing, birds that be in a house or it's in be, they should be outside. What a terrible way to go for a bird. This is inside of a wall. Oh, my God. It has wings. Let other people have their bird, man. Don't put your rules on birds. Right. You know what? Grab all the birds. You cannot put them in cages. With. Their own thing. Do your own thing. I'm not going to want to have words. That's great. I can't wait till the day that I want. I want. I want to. You know. Grandpa killed the. Bird. Maybe. Also, I'm really being hard on birds and thinking they want to fly around. But if I was a bird, maybe we way easier. This is how to eat for free. You know what I'm saying? I get to be great. I maybe I'm just the one is like, hey, go out there and fly. It's like, fly for what? Masticating birds. These are domesticated birds. It's the best place for them. I mean, I'm going to tell you, you know, I got to tell SHAPIRO, you know, you know. SHAPIRO long in the forest, actually. Right? Oh, my gosh. If really would have a hissy fit, you know, he wouldn't even do anything. He cry. He probably just die. Right? They're joking. When any of you like either one bird, Rosie, or two birds, Chester and Lola, they're available if you would take good care of them. I won't. I wouldn't. I wouldn't know a. Thing. If you if you really against the wall and you somebody take care of the bird, I will put you in touch with my friend because she will definitely take care of them very well. I don't know if I can find somebody that would put up with that, because not only do they fly free during the day, but they chew up at the wall, they chew the walls up. Now, she would put up with that. She used to have a bird that would with low like to pick out jewels like shiny things that would peck out her eyes. And she tolerated that. And I was like, you know, I was I was like, get rid of that bird right now. This is the girl for these birds. Yeah, exactly. Okay. Telling you. I'm actually. Rid of. Them. The other day, I found a refuge and what had happened was the Comcast system went down in our whole building during a 24 hour period. And I was concerned that the bird had chewed away the the wires in the wall, and I might be responsible for the whole building. Comcast going out and no one could get TV, Internet or phone service. That sounds like a very tough bird if it shoots. I told you, these are Jurassic comics. These are giraffes. They get smarter every day. You know? I mean, that lady's number, we need her email, we need her LinkedIn. I just think it's sad that you didn't look at all Grandpa. I don't think so. Don't make me feel guilty, don't you? Sorry. You should. You shouldn't feel guilty. That's a lot. Money. And how much is that? Bird calls. They each cost like $500 and the cage costs like 500. Why? And then how much and how much is for someone to go through wall? How much what. How much would it cost to give someone to to your wall? You go into the wall. Go into the wall and look for. The whole building. Once they're inside that wall, they can go anywhere in the building. Right. Exactly. How much how do. You know that? Don't maybe the maybe it only goes on your floor. Maybe wouldn't it be blocked off? Yeah, you're you're asking me this is very difficult questions to answer and I am being put on a spot. Is on it. Grandpa, I'm on your side. I got your back. I understand Sierra named Mackenzie that writes books on Back on Healing Your Own Back. Have you ever heard the name? No. I had a way. A medical situation told me about him and said that this is really works. The I had an MRI for my back this morning. I injured it really badly. I'm sorry to hear that. Yeah. But Mackenzie, I would love the name. And they wrote books on exercise charges for the back. And according to this doctor, he's a doctor now. He says that these exercises work. I think I have his I think I have his some of his pillows, some of his cushions. MACKENZIE okay. It sounds yes, I thought it sounded familiar. We're videos, links and blogs. Give me that. I thought of something while I was away. Did you know that you can X-ray your wall with without damaging it at all? That makes sense. That trucks. Yeah I like what they do for when they do like they have those new stud finders that X-ray the wall. You can do that and you can probably find your bird skeleton from it. You know, smell it somewhere. Been someone at somewhere else in the building, man. I don't know, man. That bird is tiny. You don't get something else. No, that you know. But you have you have rats in the walls, right? You have mice and rats. Yes. My God. That's very mice and rats, Riverside. Then we came. Food. You better hope that Barry White watered extract part. Then next month in October, that bird is going to come out of nowhere. Just haunt the shit out of all of us. We're going to deserve it. It's going to come back with, like, a necklace. Little like rat. Carp. Red heads and the like. Yeah. I'm going to kill all the pet cemetery. Exactly like the great Victor. You mentioned a really interesting bar where they have their own video games. They do their own video games in New York. Neville What? What borough was that in Brooklyn? It's in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. I say thank. You. I live in Queens myself, actually. I live in Queens on the border of Brooklyn. So like if I walk two blocks south, I'm in Brooklyn. Oh, cool. I'm in Astoria. So probably look kind of cool. Oh, very far away from me. I because I like I like to look south. I mean, I'm in Bushwick, Brooklyn, so I'm like, right on the edge of Queens. Yeah, yeah, I'm way away from you. But Friend has a comedy club in your hood. QED comedy. It's an activity in. Story is very close. By. Yeah. So, yeah, I need to buy my friend Kambouris. Yeah. What? I like it. Oh, yeah. Cool. Nice. If I ever perform, they're coming up. I'll let you know. Please. You mentioned that you also do acting. You're an actor. I am. So are you presently or have anything in the. You know that you're any type of play or whatever that you're going to be doing? Well, right now, I'm doing mostly standup. During the pandemic, I stopped doing everything, obviously. And so now I have to go back into standup. So there is a there's a show in New York which I headline every week called the Comedy Secret Show. And then also right now, I am I'm doing some a couple of podcasts. My podcasts are a little more theatrical than your podcasts. So, uh, so I definitely consider those acting as well. Where's your secret, everybody? Well, so actually is the last time the secret shows is going to be at this location. It's that Easy Lover Bar in Williamsburg this Sunday. I didn't know if it would be a secret or not. And you know. I keep posting I keep posting about the secret show. And when I post about the secret show, I usually do not say the address. And then people I was like, where is it? And I just don't see anything. That's cool. Yeah, I've, I used to live right next to Phines on the same street and his roommate took me to QED like, several times. It was very good. Oh, that's cool. The owner, Cambria, is my friend. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah. Speaking of, uh, movie biz and acting, the bad trip, Eric, Andre, all that. Um, yeah, I'm I'm a huge fan and could nerd out forever about the a lot of the stuff that you've done, but that is really cool that you were a writer on it because it must be so difficult and wild to write to real people that don't know that they're a part of the thing, right? Yeah, definitely. And I was I mean, I was a gag writer. I didn't come up with the story. I just wrote like the gags. Like they had a basic story when we showed up. And then all we were doing were like writing gags that move the storyline that they could do, like the like the pranks and stuff like that. And yet you're absolutely right because it continuing with like what I was talking about with love and hip hop where I hate things that hurt people in any way because I love hip hop. You know, it's not the most positive thing in the world for people. I mean, sadly, it's true. So when I was when I was supposed to do Bad Trip, one of the things that I dislike about prank shows in general is I hate the type of prank. I hate the type of prank that interrupts people on their day, like when they don't know what they're doing and is like a regular innocent person and they they'll just like be like, who Getty Boogity. And then the person will be like, I'm going to see my mother. She's in the hospital, you know, like, I don't I would never want to be a person who does that. So in bad trip, all the pranks I wrote were usually just like crazy things that they would do to each other. Or. Other, crazy things they would do to each other, or pranks where it's like you're paying someone to be there for another reason, but then you're doing a prank rather than bugging people on the street. So it is hard. Could you explain the premise to like Grampa and the audience and. Yeah. Yeah. So the movie Bad Trip is about Eric and Lil Rel. They're friends. They work at a like a Jamba Juice sort of place. And then what they do is they Jamba Juice, Grampa then. So then what they do is they like a girl that Eric used to, like, shows up, and then he follows her. He follows her to New York with Lil Rel and steals little girl's sister's car, who's played by Tiffany Haddish. Who's been in the news recently. Oh, I. I didn't hear about this at all. Holy shit. Oh, Tiffany Haddish being in the news. You didn't hear about that? Oh, I hear about that. I mean. I heard about it. Weren't text. Wait, that mess was crazy. I just saw that. They said that it sounds like they may have settled. Dismissed. Should have gone to jail. Right to jail. Well, well, it is a mess. It's a crazy man. I didn't know that they dismissed it. Were they did they dismiss it or did they settle? And then he got. Complaining party withdrew or requested a dismissal. Oh, wow. So something happened. I apologize. Who were we caught? What are we. Going to tell you? So I love this show. Let me tell you, grandpapa, I'm not going to say what I was going to say, but there's two people, two alleged people who are supposed to be comedians. One is a grown ass man and the other one is a grown ass woman. And they're supposed to be making comedy and making people laugh like Victor does and like all of our other fun comic friends do instead. Like a bunch of weirdos. They said, Let's make a skit. Okay, good idea. Okay, let's make a skit about, you know, pedophiles. Okay. Could possibly be a good idea. Okay. Now, let's take Tiffany's friend's seven year old child and film a skit about a pedophile with a real child. Terrible goddamn idea. There's something wrong with you. One of the two. I don't know if you know who Tiffany Haddish is. She's the black comedian who's always yelling and screaming, ridiculous things. That sounds like most comedians. Not like. Not like most. Not like most all right. And some other comedian that no one has ever heard of. Their friends, Eddie Spears. They took yeah. Took advantage of this woman and her children. And and like basically was like, okay, well, let me be your plug to get you started into child acting. And they didn't tell the mom. There were two different instances where they took this woman's children and tried to film something with them. Both times were fucking weird and they were doing this weird shit with these kids and trying to like sexualize them. And both times that they took the children, allegedly, they didn't tell the mom what they were planning to film or what would be like the parameters of the project or anything. They just like took the kids and was like, you know, I trust you, Tiffany, because you're my friend. Why would I think you would take my children somewhere crazy and weird and do something obscene with them? And so not only that, when one of the kids called their mom upset, then the mom called them and asked them to see the footage. They wouldn't give it to her son yet. So yeah. So so they saw the first time. First they felt film with the girl and she was a little older. I think she was like 14 and that shit was weird and it didn't work out. And like Tiff, like the girl was clearly getting uncomfortable with what they were trying to get her to do on camera. And so then they just didn't, they kind of just like went to it, did away with the whole thing and they canceled it and went home. A year later they brought the seven year old boy and tried to do all this stuff with him where basically Ari Spears was pretending to be a pedophile and they, like taped him like peering at the little boy through like a newspaper. They had, like, footage of the little boy in a bathtub. He was, like, rubbing oil on the little boy, like, absolute lutely, which is like, if you do something like that, if you want to film something like that, something weird like that, you get adult actors, you get grown adults who look like children or something like that, or like a doll. You don't get a real child that can't tell the difference. So they basically abuse this child on camera and the child like got overwhelmed and like started to panic. And so then they had to stop everything and they called the mom to, like, you know, pick him up and everything. And the mom was like, Well, what the hell were you all doing? And they acted like they couldn't explain to her what was going on. Ultimately making a pilot for Nickelodeon. At one point they told her, Oh, I forgot about that. You're right, they did that for Nickelodeon. So then after she picked up her son and the son is like visibly shaken and still having a lot of problems is like, okay, but what did you do? And they're like, You know what? We'll just it'll make sense when the footage is put together and she's like, Well, I want to see this footage. I need to see it because clearly, like, whatever you explain to me is not what just happened, because that would not traumatize my son this way. And so they kept like hearing about the footage, and then suddenly the footage got corrupted after like a few weeks of asking for it, and then it was gone and deleted the low and behold, five years after they did this to this child, they find the edited video on FunnyOrDie.com and on YouTube. So the video is real. Like that whole allegation exists. They did all that with that with a seven year old boy. The video was on YouTube and it was on FunnyOrDie.com until someone finally tweeted or whatever and was like, You know what's really weird? This weird pedophile video on FunnyOrDie.com, really weird. And then the website removed all of the all re postings and everything of the video. Now the video is floating around. It exists that they did this to this boy. Oh, yeah, it's I've seen it. It's not cool. And I saw part of it. Fucking weird shit. There's something wrong with you too. Even, like. Like at. No, because, like, even the edit, even the edited full version, final version or whatever. If something is like, fucking weird, that means that actually just sitting and like shooting it like in bare silence, like, right. Like people around watching you, that shit is like 85 times weirder. The, the act. The act of actually recording it and creating it is so much worse. Just jail. Smack jail. I can't believe they dismissed this. Well, you know, money. I hope you did get paid. Yeah, I hope they did, too. Did. Did do you guys remember Super Soupy Sales had a child show? Soupy Sales. Show for children and Soupy. Sales. Why? Soupy said, I know who Soupy Sales is. Yeah, he he asked the children on TV what word begins with an F and ends with you c k. With favorite show. Off the air for about five years. He also soupy sales I think it was Soupy Sales who also did this famous thing where he had kids. He was like on the show and he's like, Kids go into your mom, mom and daddy's wallet, pull out the dollar, and he showed up on a dollar like and send it to him. And he's like, they've seen it like dollars. I'm like, All right. Well, that's what I Soupy Sales. I don't know if he was just, like, a bad dude or just really funny. That's a good. Yeah, that's way better of a bit. Whatever it was, that's the hottest. Then whatever the elbow. That's funny. Not that's not as serious as what. No, no no name cause. Sierra was describing. I mean, he didn't steal a dollar from everybody, but, you know. My mom's. So. Funny. Yeah, it's hilarious. Love. That's funny. Well, if I can say one thing, Soupy Sales, you're a funny guy. Soupy Sales, save us from this cultural hell we've created. So I wonder what his real name was. Because I know it wasn't soupy. Oh, I just saw it is. He's Milton Sussman. Oh, I'm probably going to put that Wikipedia page on my show because I said this. What? This is what the best thing about this show is. The best thing about this show is I, I will dig through Wikipedia anyway. So all I have to do is read it out loud and I get paid. Nice. We love. Yeah. It's so easy to go down a rabbit hole. Yeah, absolutely. And I waited for way too many hours. The the whole idea behind this show was when I thought of it, I was like, it's such a stupid idea, but it would make a good show. And I was like, I wonder if I can get somebody to, like, actually do this. And then every time I was like every time I showed it to people, they were like, Oh is a good show. And so then you eventually became a real show. Finally tell me what to do, because the guy, the name of the show one more time and the name of your co host. Oh, the name of the show is called Wicky. Listen. And then my name is Mike, the name of my co-host is Rachel Tishman. And she is actually a licensed social worker. She has an elemis w title. She asked for it to be put on the show notes because she's very proud of it, because she just got it. She's like way younger than me. Like, she's 25 and so like and so like, yeah, she, she wanted it to put in the show and I was like, fine. And then I put in my own initials. I just made them up. And so I'm CSUN on the show. Victor Bernard, of course, and that stands for King Super Nuts, which is my rap name. And so, yeah, so now we both have initials on the show, but yeah, she's awesome. She's awesome at closing the show. Terrible at pool. Whiskey. Listen, wicked. Listen. Yes, rats. And I get a weekly MSNBC.com. What is it on YouTube? Um, well, we have some episodes on YouTube. We don't have a lot, but we're going to start putting them back on YouTube now. So we'll be there. Do it. I'll put it on YouTube, especially for you. How how did it come about that you two met and working together? Well. Yeah. Yeah, this is this is you're going to find out a lot of just really dumb things that I did. So I was doing this show in New York called the NYC Talent Show. And the premise of the show is it's an open stage and anybody can perform. And then I let anybody perform and then I pay them $5 for their performance. Like good or bad, it doesn't matter. And then no matter if they're good or bad, it doesn't matter. I also say I also say they're terrible. So like it don't like if they're good. I think they're terrible. But if they're bad, I see they're terrible. But I also say in a way that is not mean, you know, like it'll I'll say it and I'll just say it's like a vaudeville show is what the show is like. I, I would host the show and in like a shiny jacket and I had like a burlesque dancer be my co-host. And so we were just I had a one when I had a burlesque clown was my clothes. She was like a real clown clown, too. Like she did hat tricks, she juggled and everything, but she also, like, wore bustier and so yeah, so she came, Rachel came to that show and it was, I was in the audience and she was like, Hey, at the after the show, she's like, Hey, your show is funny. I was like, Thanks for coming to the show. And then she's like, I'm in college. This is like three years ago, four years ago, and she's like, I'm in college. She was working on her degree and then she's like, I hung out for a drink because we would hang out for drinks with the audience after the show. And then she just told me that she needed a job. And then so I hired her to help me, like, clean up. Looks like a fucking dusty old studio because it was, like, this dusty studio that needs to be cleaned up. And I was like, you, if you need a job, I was about to hire somebody to do this. Do you want to do this? It's a crappy job. She was like, Yeah, I'll do it. And then we became friends and I kept hiring her for other random stuff and she would always, like, do at least a good job. Well, I'm not always perfect, but she would show up and then. And then I hired her full time for my company, working as a producer. She was an associate producer first, and she'd become a full producer since then. And then during the pandemic, money was tight. And so I said, Hey, I've got an idea for a podcast. Let me I'll give you a percentage of that podcast in lieu of paying you right now. And hopefully it'll go somewhere. And lo and behold, the podcast did go somewhere, which is wicked. Listen. And that's how she became the co-host of Wicked. Listen. Nice. That's so cool. Yeah. And we're yeah, we're we're good friends. Yeah. I was listening to you. Oh, yeah. Go, Grandpa. I don't know the, the, the type of show you have a do you have guests come on. Yes or. Absolutely. You want to be on you want to come on the show. Well, I'd rather you text one of my other co-hosts. We were talking for a while when you were gone. So they're already they're going to do it. I'll be on the show birds. And then they'll have all the time in the world for podcasts. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, we have guests on the show and they definitely come on. I listened to your episode about Bleached Asshole URLs on Wikipedia. Oh, yeah, the. Anal bleaching episode. So there are Wikipedia pages about everything. And so we're putting that to the test. On the show. There is a Wikipedia page about anal bleaching and it's so funny. Oh my gosh, the Wikipedia page for feces has one of the funniest lines of ever. It's just like a straight up description of how pooping happens. And it's but it's so technical but so precise. It's hilarious. I'm going to look it up right now. Hold on a second. I won't tell you what the funniest line. I notice. That I read Wikipedia stuff. On your face. I was waiting to see like how it was amusing. I was like, if someone fucking around on the poop page because of something like I would do or something like some children would do. Is you. No, no, no, no. No way is nobody is. In fact, it's harder to screw with Wikipedia than it used to be. Used to. Be. They didn't have the people to like really. So basically, basically there's a one sentence description of how pooping happens. And it's just a funny description because it, it makes total sense, but it's just so the group of words has made me laugh when I first read it. And here's the here's the sentence. Feces are discharged through the anus or cloaca during defecation. That's it. Oh, yeah. Come on. Someone wrote that. Way by. Their sources. Minus one. I know. Find us. Wants to hear. Yeah, I'll find this.

This is the— Phines: 1:03:18

feces are discharge through the anus or cloaca during defecation. You just leave it. See the thing or what. Is it's it's broken. Busted. Oh. Go back to clean, feed and zoom. The funniest page I've read so far is one that was recommended by Rob Raskin, who is my friend. And and he recommended, like very early on the show, a page called Ferret Legging. And so what ferret legging is, is it's a in Australia, it's a sport where what you do is you take a ferret. These are the rules. You take a parrot, you have to put your ferret in your pants. The pants have to be sealed at the ankles so they can't get out. You cannot wear underwear. The ferrets must have sharp teeth and claws. And the way you win is you keep the ferrets in your pants longer than other people. And this is this is in Australia. And the sport was revolutionized one year. The sport was revolutionized because one person was like, hey. How about we all. Wear white pants so people can see the blood better? And that was like the big to do in the Third World. They're running out of stuff to do. I wish that. Happened in. Masochistic. Oh, absolutely. Not. No. No. No. It's not going to be like who can hold a ferret longest. And you'll be bored. The only reason? I don't know. I took my girlfriend to drag in. Have you heard of this vector? Yeah. Oh, definitely. I've been to DragonCon. Oh, really? Have you heard of blinking beasties? I thought I told this to Grandpa last podcast and he just got angry and laughed. But I never heard of a boy blinking because I'd love to. So we were. We were in a Dungeons and Dragons like out of playthrough or whatever. They have a bunch of different panels and we couldn't really hear them. So we got bored and we just laughed. And right next door was a sign that the blinking beasties were like, That's weird. And there will probably be very few people. We open the door and there's two seats in the back out of hundreds. I mean, there must have been 500 to 1000 people in this massive auditorium. And they were they were talking about basically fan fiction and erotica for like beasts. For like. And the. Way like beasts, are having sex with each other or beasts having sex with him. What was what was the name of that guy that I sort of look up. There's one guy. Who's this. But it the funniest shit like the titles and and half the people are like, what is this? And like freaking out and laughing. And then the other half is very, very serious about it. I'm very into it. Oh. Here it is. I keep. Going. Is he does he keep having to refresh this thing. I don't know what is. Going why does Phines hate me. My game. Yeah I know the anxiety seeping in. I have a question. Have you had to have you had your first episode yet? My first. Episode. So we haven't done. Oh for we keep wicketless. We haven't done furries we have done uh, I think we've done, I forgot what it was called, but it people who, people who fall in love with inanimate objects, but there's a name for it, there's a technical name for it. And we did a whole thing on that. And then we also did one on Toronto mania, and that's people who think other people are in love with them, but they're not, you know, like people were just like, you just don't want to say it, but you love me. But like those people and that's like a psychosis. I really happens. That makes. Sense. I actually actually read that one because there's a TV show called Hacks. Have you ever seen that show? It's like on Showtime or something? Well, there's a secretary on hacks who's, like, in love with their boss or thinks her boss is in love with her even though he's not. And then like. And then I was like, she's so crazy. But then I realized that it was a condition that was called Erato mania. Wow. Yeah. There's a lot of wild stuff. I've learned so much random stuff from Wikipedia. I'm probably going to be like the worst guy to sit at a bar pretty soon, you know, as the real simple facts about the Chloe. Let me tell you. Yeah, that's what threw me in that sentence. I was trying to figure out. I was like, okay, what is? I feel like I've heard that before. But with birds, I didn't know we had a cloaca. No, we don't. Because we're not talking about feces. It could be human or non-human feces is that way. They're saying it comes out through the anus or cloaca. Okay. I guess if. You've got only the cloaca. All right. All right. Okay. That's what threw me off. Speaking of Cloaca, I did direct a music video like no budget music video for a comedy song called Vag-Anus, which is about a woman who has only a cloaca. Ooh, you're just in time Phines. I just love the way she keeps dropping out is so punctual who's like, Hey, what's going on? Oh, wake up. Goodbye. I get to steer the ship with your directing, how do you balance out? Sort of things like Bad Trip and a lot of these personal projects like this music video, like, do they all go on the same resume and people are seeing the breadth of the work or is it separated out now? I only put the things that people kind of would recognize on the resume because most of the nonsense they wrote, I mean, they would be like. Hey, I directed video. It's called The Janus. Yeah. Mm hmm. Yeah. I don't either. I don't do that. But do often. I do often have meetings where people will find things online that I put on line one meeting I was at, I was at a meeting where I was trying to sell a TV show. It was actually, I think it like Tru TV. And then the executives at the meeting were like, Hey. Is this you? And it was me. In zombie makeup at a club doing Def Jam, but like not regular death. It was Def. I was from the point of view of a zombie. And so I was like, I was like being a zombie doing Def Jam comedy. And then they were like, Is this you? And I was like, Yes. And then they were like, okay, it's funny and look great. Fine. I would be pissed if someone was like if like like someone discovered me or like found like something I did on the internet. It was like what I was completely incognito, like makeup, costume. I'd be like. No, it's not. The stuff that I have on the Internet that people could find is there's a lot of weird stuff that I've put on the Internet, but my favorite thing that I have on the Internet was for years, for like eight years, I was the number one video result when you Google how to draw a penis. And so for years I held now I'm number two video result when you Google how to drop penis but I used to be number one I was so proud of that for so long. Wow. Um. How how did you do? I want to ask how you got the number one search result. Oh, I put up a video of myself. Myself teaching people how to draw a penis. It's like that. The start of Superbad, right? Yeah. Except just one. Just one penis on this case. And I was also doing a fake accent, and I had a fake mustache on. Hey, you're back for 1 a.m.. And I am. Your number one top. Oh, whoa, oh, oh, oh, wait. I moved over and I clicked on some other ones and I was clicking on second and third. You are. You are. Right. I'm back to number one. I'm going to back up. Back up. Yes. Well, here's what I'm supposed to say. Here's what happens. Well You know, recently, like, I started doing a lot of more promotion and stuff. So my name's probably out there on the Internet more. I'm back to number one. I'm going to post about it if I'm back from the. Top because oh. My gosh, I'm so. Happy to. Say searches. Like but now you want to drop almost like a mushroom top of or I love that. It it's a black and white right like an art. A fan of the Beatles you. Know sometimes. On that and they not that you know and this is a you know even the way they. Subscribe I've. Pretty subscribe got a hater button. So as a you know you subscribe to my regular that's my old channel I had this channel for comedy added to the channel and then and then the company fell apart. And then I don't have the log in to get it anymore, but I have it reposting on my regular channel. But yeah. Back on top. Are you getting inspiration, Phines, as visual artist? Yeah, yeah. Mm hmm. Each member wedding and I'm so happy. I was legitimately very happy about this because I. I lost it, and I was like, oh, was that never Grampa? How what are you thinking about right now? I'm thinking what. Number one means. What is the number one? The number. One book? And it means that people out there are searching for how to draw a penis. I am the one who gets into the world of people. Like this is the. First thing that comes up. With that particular. Number one result. Yeah. So that yeah. How do you. How do you feel about that, grandpa. Think about that. I guess, I guess sometimes you have to be a little bit crazy to get up there where you want to get. I don't know, this guy, not even great. I mean, you know, you think about all the textbooks, think about all the textbooks and health books that we have that show drawings of someone's anatomy and the person drew that reaction is very famous right now. To make that same case is like this is like the Internet version of a textbook. Everyone gets to see that and then everybody gets to see a penis or drawing a penis. And this is the first one they get to see. And it's based off of something. The funny thing is, I made this not before I was trying to like get well-known on the Internet. I made it just for fun because I had a job. I had a job where I was directing videos for E! How do you know that site? E had not done so. They used to have all these instructional videos that and then they had ordered a bunch of videos with me where I would film artists teaching you how to draw things. So like if you were like how to draw a duck. And so I had the set up of this clear glass that you could draw on in my studio, and it was just sitting there. And so then I was like, Wouldn't it be funny if I did a video about how to draw a penis because I have this side? And then so that's what I did. It's really good. It's it's what you're muted. Sera. That's always is a cool set up though is it like just like glass It is. It is a frame built with plexiglass in it and then lean tos on both sides. So that holds it so that you can draw on it without it shaking. Oh, I like that vector. You got the number one spot and obviously you've had a lot of people click on to it. Yeah. My how to your penis videos number one please say please a victor you have the number one How to draw a penis video. Please get. Advertisers on that. Grandpa. He's asking you request. A way to make any money out of. It. I will tell you after you do what I asked. If I said, please say, Victor, you have the number one How to draw a penis video. Victor, you now have the number one pick. Pick a video. Video of how to draw a penis. Yeah. Thank you. All right, take two. Take two. You got it. Now, say now and. Everyone, I'm not I'm going to clip doesn't play. On the Internet. I'm just curious if you are able to to get any kind of money out of it. No, I can't. Because the company that is that cited, it's on it actually went down the the channel that it's on, the company that was called My Damn Channel, they don't exist anymore. So it's not making any money. It's just out there for the love of it. See, this is all he gives. Grandpa, you got to say. You got to be that. The number. Doing the Lord's work. Doing the Lord's work. You can't take that video since you produced it and and sell it to whoever Toyota motor company or whatever for advertising. I absolutely could. However, the Toyota Motor Company would not buy it. Now, what do they you buy this new car design? I mean. I've actually been thinking about someday just going back and just drawing other things like this, how to try. But, you know. Yeah, yeah. You worked with or met Stan Lee, right? Yes, I did both. I worked with him and Matt Stanley. That's an incredible. Was he aware of. And this video was after. Working with. These videos. After working with Stanley. Although I bet that if I bet that if he had seen the video, he would have liked it because he used to do these videos for Marvel Comics where he would host people drawing comics and it would look sort of similar, where he would be talking about. This is how you draw a this is how you draw a man with his fist. Up and then somebody would draw it. So I think he like it. The the legendary comic artist who created Spiderman, etc., etc.. Grandpa Stanley was not an artist. He was a writer. And we're insinuating that a fist up is like a penis. Yeah, he's right. No, no, no, no. That's not what I'm insinuating. I'm just. Saying. The art videos are different. He did have one video where he was just like, wear it because it was made in the seventies. Right. And so one of the things he was like, and you know what? Every you know what every action see needs is a gun. And so, like, there's a clip of him saying that was just a really funny so funny. I mean, if you I guess. Yeah. I maybe your that Phines is a is a nice he does very nice comics. Oh that's awesome. I might comic book artist right now is Ryan Ottley do you know that guy do you know do you do you know the the invincible comic sort so like he drew all of invincible the original series like almost like is awesome he's so amazing. I was just I was that was in the comics today looking at the volumes one through. Four guy I mean you oh he's amazing amazing amount of things yeah that's great you know that active. I once worked for a couple of fellas and one of them, they were successful in a totally different business in the bakery business. But one of them had been a writer for four Hollywood movies. And he taught me something that never made sense to me. He said that if you get a certain age, you can't sell your work. And I, I don't know where he came up with that, but. Yeah, I feel like that is yeah. I don't think that's true at all. I don't either. What was the logic behind that? I have no idea which of the pretzel business. He was doing. He couldn't sell his work. If somebody playing an organ. Only the other says We live in New York City a while. Then someone playing the word on the street but no analysis. Got two guys got it right the first time. There's a guy walking down the street and I guess. How did you come about working with Stanley and what did you take away from that experience? Well, I came about with Stanley in a very weird way, where in near the beginning of my career. There was this just. Crazy executive producer. And he's a total sleazebag, but he had a connection to Stanford. And then he was like, I want to do this movie with Stanley. Can you write a pitch to get them to work with you? And I was like, How much you're going to pay me for the pitch? And he paid me for the pitch and I wrote the pitch. And then they were like, Thumbs up, let's do this movie. And then. So I wrote a movie with Stanley, but here's how writing movie Stanley goes. Really? You get a page of notes, one page of notes, and then those the idea that Stanley had originally for the character, and then you write the movie and his name goes on top. Are you serious? Oh, yeah. Absolutely. And not even it was not even any, like, foreplay, nothing and everything. All right. Oh, man. You an opportunity to be part of the cast of Saturday Night Live. So I've had had I did have the opportunity to be part of the cast Saturday Live. I had a friend who was a writer and to live and he invited me to audition for it. And I screwed it up because of my anxiety, because it was before I knew what was up and I was so scared and, I thought that I would never be chosen for the cast that I. I really blew the audition. It's like, so is this. This is how badly I blew the audition. I blew the audition because he was like I cinema writing package and he's like, no I actually wanted to see like your stand up and and stuff and a character audition so you should be on the show. And I was like, sure. And then I, I, I could not think of anything to do was just frozen. And so I sent him like one standup set that I knew was not great. And I said to him anyway, because I was just I just I just I just totally destroyed the whole thing like that. And that was that was definitely how it was. And even even to the point where I have like years later, I apologize to him for how he responded to that because I was I didn't understand exactly how crazy I was at the time. I mean. I understand freezing because I had been offered a lead in in a play and I totally froze during that actual play. Yeah, it happens like it's yeah, it, it, it, it's not that like just certain things are harrowing, but it's just like life is harrowing people freeze about everything. And when you think about it, people always people are always. I think that. I think that people don't understand or at least don't consider the fact that, like, if you say to yourself, you know, you know, I'm I'm very sad. I'm having a very hard day. I came home I came home today. And, you know, my house is broken into. Everything that I had was gone. I have no money. And my I'm sad. But then and then they then people will think that if somebody is sad about say something like they they got a new car and somebody bumped into the car and they have a distant door. And it's the worst thing that has ever happened in their life. And they're sad. And then people always will say, oh, well, the person who, you know, house broke it into and that's that's the person who has, you know, the real tragedy. But it's it's about experience. So if you lived a life where, the worst thing that ever happened to you was someone hit your your sports car. That is a tragedy to you because that's the worst thing that's ever happened to you. That in the evidence of this is that's why that's why kids are like they are kids have not had a lot of experience. So you do one thing wrong to a kid. They freak out because it's the worst thing that ever happened to them because they've only lived so much of a life. And so but that continues into adulthood. There are some people who have vast experience and they're high and they're low is very different from some person who's had not as vast of an experience. And so I just think it's always important to. Just like think about that is it's a lot about what I what I talk about when I say that like, you know, nothing really has value. I talk about that. I talk about that in, in one of my succinct phrases, which is which if you Google it, you'll find me in my my phrase. My phrase is nothing is sacred because everything is stupid. And that is that just reminds me that things that I care about other people may not care about at all. And that's fine. But also the reverse is true. Sometimes things that I don't care about at all other people really, really care about. That's also fine. But always just keep that in mind. Just like when you're dealing with people. Because when somebody is like so worked up about something, you just don't give a shit about. Remember if the roles reversed, it would be very upset if someone if someone treated something so flippantly that you cared about very like, very much. And so I know. Just, I guess have empathy, everybody. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to Natalie sounds like a long winded it's awkward listening. Listening is. A very beautiful way to end the show or. You have a lovely, warm personality and that really, really comes through. That's great. I hope you guys get a chance to play this back later and masturbate to it and. And thanks for ruining it. I don't know where. Where can people find you? Where can they find your work? Any links that you want to speak out to them or put it in the show notes too? But absolutely. Check me out. Check out wiki. Listen at WikiListen dot com. If you're listening and you want to hit this up on any social media, then do and request a page and we'll do your page and we will read it. So if you're listening out there and you want, you always loved the Alice in Wonderland page request requested and we'll do it. We do it for people and we'll give you a shout out on the show. And if you want to find out more about me, you can contact me on Instagram. It's @VarnadoV on Instagram, Victor Varnado get it? Or @Varnado on Twitter, all that work. Okay. All right. Very cool. Thank you, everyone. I thank. You. Thank you so much for coming on, Victor. Thank you, Sierra. Phines, as always, grandpa. I love you. See you next year.